And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
