last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
