I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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