After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
