So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
