the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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