I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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