he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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