My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
