So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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