Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
