I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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