he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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