the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
