cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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