Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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