I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
