Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
porn star boner night. come get it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
