I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she pinky promised me she was 18
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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