Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
