Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
North Korea, Best Korea!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
