How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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