i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
