are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
