So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
