the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
