ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
