Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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