just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
