You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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