Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Two words: blizzard sex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
