I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Soap is not a condiment
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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