So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
