Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
