I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
