Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
