If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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