I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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