Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
