shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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