Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize