So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
