so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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