Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
