And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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