dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
