I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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