Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
