operation harelip BJ is a go
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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