i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
