Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize