Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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