It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
