people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
