I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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