are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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