we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
