Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
