well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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