I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
