Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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