My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
