GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
