I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize