I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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