im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
