Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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