i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
vagina is talking i cant
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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