soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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